How do I explain the offense?

This is a cheeseburger. Imagine going to a fast food joint and getting a cheeseburger. Now imagine that you ask for ketchup on this burger. You take it home, open it up and there’s mustard on it instead. You don’t really like mustard, but there’s no going back. It’s still a burger, it will still fill you up, but it definitely won’t leave you feeling good about your eating experience. Basically, you’re stuck with the crappy burger you got. The Kentucky offense is that burger, and Curtis Pulley is the ketchup you wanted. This offense was built around Curtis Pulley, and because he screwed up, everybody else on offense has to pay for it and get thrown to the wolves.

I still am not in favor of Randall Cobb being a full-time quarterback because I think he can still do some things at receiver, especially now that it looks like Dicky Lyons is out for the year. I have to stop right there because I need to say something else about DLJ. If yesterday was that last time I’ll ever see Dicky Lyons Jr. in a Kentucky uniform, I have to say it was an absolute privilege to watch him play every single time, and he will go down as one of my favorite players to ever put on the jersey. While I still think Cobb should play receiver (because I think he’ll finish his college career as a receiver), it’s worth a shot to play him a few more snaps at QB than he’s been getting. Mike Hartline had a very bad game. I don’t know if he just wasn’t on the same page as the receivers or what it was, but that caliber of quarterback play will not lead to another win this season. There is no quick fix to the offense, but if that keeps up, something has to be done.

Once again, the defense was not at fault for the outcome of the game. In essence, they gave up one touchdown, the last one that gave Carolina the lead. And that one was mainly a result of fatigue because the offense went 3-and-out on every stinking possession in the half. I don’t care if you’re the 1985 Bears, if your defense spends over 20 minutes on the field in one half, it will wear down and give up scores. My only flaw with the defense was the lack of safety help when SC threw away from Lindley and Jones, which was every single passing play after the interception. UK’s two starting corners are as good as you’ll find at the position in the conference, but Steve Spurrier will exploit any weaknesses a defense has, and the backup corners are the weakness of the UK defense. I realize the safeties can’t be omnipresent, but they have to help out McAtee, Moore, Burden and Guy on the slot post patterns.

What was up with special teams? Kentucky made two special teams mistakes that resulted in 14 points. South Carolina missed three field goals and made four turnovers, and Kentucky could only get seven points out of it. I can understand the long kickoff return after the Lindley TD because how often does Masthay not get a touchback on a kickoff? But that blocked field goal was ridiculous. If the guy who blocked it whiffed, seven or eight guys could have come in and done the same thing. It wasn’t the fault of the snapper, holder or kicker. The line just got overwhelmed right down the middle. That one didn’t have a chance. I realize this is supposed to be a rebuilding year and a lesser UK team would have lost to Middle Tennessee and maybe Louisville, but a program on the upswing can’t keep making those mistakes.

But here’s the good news: This offense can only improve with experience because all the skill guys are so green. Kentucky plays the worst team in the SEC next week, and don’t let that win over Auburn fool you. Auburn fired their OC last week. Anybody in America could have beaten Auburn with that drama going on. Arkansas is terrible. I’ve seen them suck on TV three different times. They are beatable. In Arkansas, Mississippi State, Vanderbilt and Tennessee, UK faces four teams with bad offenses where the games could go either way. All they have to do is win two of them. This loss hurts terribly, but it doesn’t mean the season is over. Now if Arkansas wins next week, my opinion is subject to change.

Also, I heard some good news on the Daniel Orton front. Nothing’s official yet, but let’s just say he must have really enjoyed Matthew Mitchell’s dancing.

I’m Seth Stogsdill, and man, was I ever wrong about LSU last night.

I can’t wait. Let’s roll. Dave Baker is hosting the BBSN coverage, no doubt he wants this team to fail because he misses Tubby.

10:03 – Rob Bromley pimps the women’s team (not in the literal sense). I know when I’ll be switching to the ALCS.

10:06 – Ravi Moss is here, and he’s doing some kind of media thing. I like it. Moss was one of my favorites of all time, and he’s charismatic, which makes him better for this event than Kyle Macy.

10:08 – Interview with Tracy Teague, the Nike representative who designed the uniforms. He did an outstanding job with the shorts in particular. Kentucky won’t be just a member of Team Nike anymore. Can Florida pull off those uniforms? What about Texas, Ohio State, Michigan State or Syracuse? I don’t think they can rock the checkerboard, and the Secretariat imagery speaks for itself.

10:12 – Mitch Barnhart interview – he talked about the uniforms. I have to say, I love how we have a special ceremony at Keeneland just to unveil the new uniforms. Where else does this happen in college basketball? If Daniel Orton is reading this, it doesn’t happen at Kansas, and Kansas just signed Thomas Robinson, so just end the façade and commit, mmmkay?

10:15 – 3 minutes of show, 12 minutes of commercials, Macy is boring

10:19 – There’s a kid wearing flashing blue things all over his body. If you heard a massive thud at 10:19, that was all of Big Blue Nation having a seizure. Somebody strangle that kid and his parents.

10:20 – The kids in the Central Bank ad (identical twin infants) have mullets. Governor Beshear can’t be too happy with the image that commercial conveys.

10:24 – It’s a video package of both the men and women, but what are Ravi Moss and Christi Thomas doing talking over the video? This is very unprofessional of you guys. You know you should only be talking over the women’s highlights.

10:26 – OMG it’s Coach Gillispie in the mascot outfit coming down from the ceiling! It’s probably just some guy, but what if…

10:30 – 12th Region represent! Some guy from Lancaster misses the halfcourt shot by about 18 feet. He tried to shotput it.

10:33 – This is the “Stairway to Heaven” of basketball highlight reels…for the women’s team. Red Sox lead Rays 1-0 in the top of the 7th.

10:37 – 12th Region represent! Epic fall by the first women’s player introduced – now I have to keep watching to see if anybody else falls. Damn you, Sarah Rowe!

10:39 – Crap: nobody else fell. Still, it was well worth it to watch the first one.

10:41 – Matthew Mitchell on a fire truck – Billy better upstage him. I hope his dancing didn’t scare off Russell Byrd or Daniel Orton.

10:42-11:05 – Women’s scrimmage – I know I seem harsh on the women, but don’t get wrong: I’m all in favor of Title IX. I just don’t like women’s basketball. In other news, this ALCS game is pretty good. Dice-K had a no-hitter through six, and the defense and pitching on both sides were tremendous.

11:11 – Great video tribute to Bill Keightley. If things didn’t get a little dusty in your house when that video was playing, you’re either a fan of another team or a filthy liar.

11:14 – The highlight video for the men’s team is not as long as the one for the women, and over half the highlights were of Ramel Bradley and Joe Crawford. Still did a good job of pumping me up, though.

11:18 – Introduction notes: Kevin Galloway and DeAndre Liggins stood next to each other and intimidated all small point guards in America. Jodie Meeks came out all serious, which was an indication that he’d be taking a lot of shots. I hate comparing white dudes because it’s a sportswriter stereotype, but based on personality, Josh “Hoss” Harrellson reminded me a lot of Mark Pope. Pope was a Rhodes Scholar, but when it came to basketball, he was out of his mind, in the best possible way. Patrick Patterson must have had two cases of Red Bull. Most importantly, there were smiles all around. With no transition phase for the upperclassmen, this team should have much better chemistry at the start than last year’s team.

11:23 – Coach Gillispie comes in through the crowd. As a wrestling fan, I love it because it means he’s the people’s champion.

11:28 – It’s the dunk contest! I think I was more impressed with Kevin Galloway’s misses than I was with anybody else’s makes. I regret that the best dunker on the team, Donald Williams, either didn’t participate or his dunks didn’t make air. I realize BBSN has bills to pay, but the commercial breaks got more and more ridiculous as the night went on.

11:40-12:00 – Scrimmage notes

Jodie Meeks will take a lot of shots this year. When he got the ball last night, it went up. You could say the same thing about Donald Williams as well. He’ll go into a game for the sole purpose of putting it up.

Ramon Harris looked really good. All he needed was a little bit of confidence, and it looked like he may have found it on that summer trip to Africa.

Kevin Galloway and DeAndre Liggins will get lots of spectacular assists. Both guys are exceptional passers, but they didn’t get to play with Meeks, Patterson or Stevenson, so when a few of those passes went out of bounds, consider that Patterson probably would have caught them. Each guy brings so much to the table. Galloway isn’t a shooter, but he likes taking it to the rack and posting up smaller guards. That sound you just heard was Jai Lucas going #2 on himself at the thought of Kevin Galloway posting him up. Liggins pushes it hard when he gets the ball. He’s as good at penetrating as any UK point guard I’ve seen since Wayne Turner.

Matthew Pilgrim didn’t score much, but he didn’t look to do it. What amazed me about this kid was his combination of power and grace. When he got a rebound, he would squeeze the air out of the ball. Then he would bring it up himself like a point guard. Everything looked easy for him.

Everybody else blended in well and nobody looked out of place, but you can’t make too many assessments from what little was shown. We’ll know more after the B/W game.

I’m Seth Stogsdill. Now let’s beat those Cocks.

It’s the greatest day of the year in Big Blue Nation.  The first day of basketball practice at most schools is a small event with only players and coaches involved.  But in Kentucky, the home of the greatest college basketball program in history, we do things a lot different.  No where else will you find people camping out days in advance to get tickets to a free event that basically is an introduction of a bunch of college kids, maybe a slam dunk showcase and then a raw scrimmage.  There are tickets on ebay for up to $170 for two.  No doubt, someone will buy them.  We are Kentuckians and we love our basketball, probably more than humanly possible.  Here are three things I can’t wait to see on Friday night in Rupp.

1. The size of this year’s team is remarkably better than years past.  There is not one player on the roster under 6′3″.  That is a big plus because we’ve heard it before that you can’t teach height and length.  I can’t wait to see that height displayed in Rupp.  Athletes tend to find ways to impress and I’m going in to Rupp expecting to be impressed.

2. What kind of tribute will be done for Mr. Wildcat?  I know something will be done, I just hope it is something no one has thought of yet.  I have seen early pictures of the new jerseys honoring him with the first K in Kentucky blacked out.  The ceremony at Big Blue Madness will hopefully be one that doesn’t leave a dry eye in the house.

3. How will we impress the recruits?  In the past few years, madness has dropped it’s intensity and sense of awe.  I don’t know if the move to Rupp has caused this or what but I expect the crowd to bring that intensity back to show the recruits in attendance that we are the Roman Empire of college basketball.  I hope chants are made to each and every recruit to make them know we want them to be in Kentucky blue next year and the future for some.  Here are some of the guys expected to be at Madness:  Five UK commitments are expected at the event, including Scott County’s Dakotah Euton, Clark County’s Vinny Zollo, Madisonville’s Jon Hood, Indianapolis forward Dominique Ferguson and Texas guard G.J. Vilarino.

Uncommitted guys expected to attend are senior Daniel Orton, juniors Russell Byrd, Ian Miller, Brandon Mobley and Ricardo Johnson, sophomores George Fant, Jordan Shanklin, Ryan Taylor and Michael Chandler.

Rock the house Cat fans.  Remember, USCjr  is probably staying at the Hyatt so make as much noise outside as you do inside and maybe we will help out the football Cats while getting to know our basketball Cats.  It may have helped the Cats beat LSU last year so more of the same caouldn’t hurt the cause.

Festivities start with a pep rally at 10 pm and then intros and a little practice before wrapping up at 12 am.  Word is that former Cat Ravi Moss will be hosting the event so make sure you give him some love too.  Feel free to share where you’ll be at, whether in Rupp or watching with some friends at home.  Sound off Cat fans! 

For the first week of the season, all SEC teams in action play other SEC teams.  There are five games on tap including the Cats and Cocks.  How many jokes will we hear this week involving cocks?  Seroiusly, probably enough to start a drinking game. 

SOUTH CAROLINA @ KENTUCKY  12:30 pm  RAYCOM

Oh well, I guess everybody loves when USCjr comes to town because they can openly make jokes about cocks and no one cares.  I just hope this week that everyone is in a good mood after the game as well.  I look for the Cats to prove once again that they are superior on the defensive side.  USCjr’s offense hasn’t been much to talk about this year but like the Cats, they have relied heavily on their defense.  Remeber last year’s contest when a couple of turnovers cost the Cats the game.  If those same mistakes can be avoided, look for the Cats to finally send the Old Ball Coach home crying.  If it happens, Spurrier’s seat may become a little warm considering  he has yet to have a good season in Columbia.  PREDICTION: KENTUCKY 20, USCjr 6.

LSU @ FLORIDA  8:00  CBS
The Tigers go into “The Swamp” fresh off of a bye week while Florida basically had a bye week even though they did travel to Fayetteville for a scrimmage with the Hogs.  After their 38-7 win, they flew back home and began preparations for LSU.  If Tim Tebow keeps his word, it was probably one of the toughest practice weeks the Gaotrs have had yet.  I think after this showdown, there will be one less unbeaten team in the SEC.  PREDICTION: FLORIDA 24, LSU 21

TENNESSEE @ GEORGIA  3:30  CBS

The first half of the SEC doubleheader on CBS takes us to Athens where the Dawgs host the Vols.  As much as it will kill Billy Bob and Bertha, Fat Phil will still be leading the Vols out of the locker room for yet another week.  I think that if the Vols don’t perform well and keep it close, someone may be out of a job next week, and I’m not talking about any coordinators.  Two blowout losses to SEC East opponents would not be taken well in Knoxville.  I just hope that if they do get rid of Fulmer this year, it is done before the end of the year instead of at the end of the season because teams tend to play differently for their coach when they know it’s his last game.  Yeah, we get them in their last game of the year.  Here’s to hoping Georgia can get it done this week.  PREDICTION: GEORGIA 35, TENNESSEE 13

VANDERBILT @ MISSISSIPPI STATE  1:30

After their victory over Auburn, Vandy travels to Starkville to take on the mighty cowbell backed Bulldogs.  Vandy looks to get to 6-0 for the first time in 80 years and extend their SEC winning streak to the longest in school history (3?).  It’s unknown which quarterback the Dores will use.  Starter Chris Nickson injured his shoulder last week and his status for this week is unknown.  If needed, MacKenzie Adams is more than qualified to step in and lead the team to victory.  Mississippi St has lost three in a row and looks to spoil Vandy’s cinderella season.  PREDICTION: VANDERBILT 21, MISSISSIPPI STATE 14

ARKANSAS @ AUBURN  3:00

A week before coming to Lexington, Arkansas travels to Auburn to battle with the Tigers.  Arkansas got blown out by Florida at home last week and Auburn lost to Vanderbilt for the first time ending a 13-game winning streak against the Dores.  Auburn fired it’s offensive coordinator earlier this week and really have no identity on offense.  Although I don’t think Arkansas will win, I think it will be a close game because of Auburn’s lack of offense.  PREDICTION: AUBURN 10, ARKANSAS 6

Alabama and Ole MIss have the week off.  Bama is still #2 in the national rankings after their win over the Cats last weekend while Ole Miss is regrouping after the letdown they suffered against South Carolina last week.

Here are some things that would make my day if they happened on Saturday.

* Make Chris Smelley eat grass. On paper, the biggest mismatch of the game is the Carolina offensive line against the Kentucky front seven. If Alabama and its best line in America had to hold so many times to keep John Parker Wilson from getting sacked like Brodie Croyle against Auburn, then Carolina might be in some trouble. The Cocks’ OL has been less than impressive all year, which could mean great things for the UK defense. I said yesterday that both teams are good enough on defense that a defensive or special teams touchdown would probably decide the game. How nice would it be if one of the linemen crushed Chris Smelley, popped the ball loose and one of the linebackers returned it for a score?

* Keep Eric Norwood out of the endzone. Norwood, who has been at South Carolina since it seceded from the union back in 1860, always plays out of his mind at Kentucky. He single-handedly won last year’s game in Columbia, and has moved from defensive end to outside linebacker this season. Keeping a defensive player from scoring touchdowns doesn’t sound like much to ask, but it might be. He’s that good against Kentucky. If I did a “UK Killers” post for football, he would make the top of my list. I’ve seen him play like Lawrence Taylor against UK and James Taylor the next week. The offensive line needs to make him have a James Taylor game in order to win.

* No touchdowns served on a silver platter. I’m talking about the Mike Hartline fumble against Alabama. A flawless game is not required, but the offense has to take the confidence they gained in the second half against Alabama and carry it with them. There won’t be a big crowd to intimidate them, unless Commonwealth is packed with idiots who cheer when the offense is on third down (Kentucky will never be respected as a football school until this stops). Carolina’s defense, while good, is not better than Alabama’s. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they’re equal, but I don’t think giving them the benefit of the doubt is the same as telling the truth. You could definitely tell there were some jitters in the first half at Alabama. Those won’t be there tomorrow, and hopefully this translates to no easy touchdowns for the Cocks.

* Just win. If you’re a fan of Kentucky and you like the message boards, you’ll notice that Cock Fan is out in full force. I cannot stand Cock Fan. Cock Fan, in terms of pure annoyance, is worse than the hordes of Louisville fans that patrol the message boards at all times. Sure, not every South Carolina fan is Cock Fan, and you can end up having decent conversations with them, especially the 2-3 that care about basketball, but Cock Fan is the majority. Cock Fan thinks the 2005 Independence Bowl and 2006 Liberty Bowl are more impressive wins than the consecutive Outback Bowls that Lou Holtz made, because of Ol’ Ball Coach. Cock Fan thinks that the presence of Ol’ Ball Coach on the sideline turns his program (which has an overall losing record, and I want to say worse than Kentucky, though I don’t want that one written in blood) into a top 20 all-time program. Cock Fan has the worst sense of entitlement of any college football fan I’ve ever seen. If college football were pop culture, South Carolina would be Kevin Federline. I’d like nothing better than to shut Cock Fan up.

I’ll be back Saturday morning with the Midnight Madness running diary.

I’m Seth Stogsdill, and I hope I’m not too hard to please after the annual Madness adrenaline rush.

Thank goodness for ESPNU.

I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to pull the daily double of Keeneland and a UK football game this year, especially since South Carolina is pulling a noon-thirty